the crab that i am

i wish i can hold back. reserve more of my thoughts for when i'm all by myself and not let you see the pain that keep bursting out of these overworked ducts. you don't understand what it means to me. no, it will never feel right again. the lies have savored our lives with bitterness no matter how sweet it gets. that's our reality, my reality. and i wish i can just go back to where it all began. it could save both of us from all this pretense. fact is, the pain is there. my will to come up over the water to burn my eyes will never go away. i wish i never saw all of it. i wish i could just pretend. but there's no way to. besides, if i do, i will be off guard again and you? i know the likes of you this time. you're like a petty thief set off to a new life once and without any ambition does himself the biggest favor of repeating the cycle of his life - thief! no, you do not steal my sanity again. no, you do not get to lie to my face again. no, you do not get to break my heart again.