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am i still in shock? i guess i didn't see that coming. i thought things were different now. i thought you said you were different now. what the hell was that about then? how could you? now i can't even tell anymore. i have completely lost everything i thought i had. love. i think i want to fall in love again. i want to fall in love with someone worthy, someone except you. i don't know where to start. i don't know how to forgive and all the more now that i can't. i'm in a pit again. you know i needed you before. i loved you and i thought i still did. but nothing about you, our past, and present tells me you are the man i love/d. it hurts. you clearly had no regard for what would be best for me then yet you said you love me so many times. how was that? even if i want to put you in my shoes, even if i can, there's no way you can ever feel the same pain i did, still feeling, and re-living now. you say you are trying your best to be a better person so this family? for me? i tried my best too. back then. to love you exactly how you asked me to. and you used that against me. to play me for a fool so you can do the things you felt like doing. i wish i can be like you. i wish i can hurt you. lie to your face.